Wednesday, June 25, 2008

"I'll never do it again"

Robby "died" that night,....
But the paramedics were able to 'bring him back to life' with a shot of a drug called Narcon that neutralizes/reverses the effects of heroin. His friends called 911 and administered CPR until help arrived. They saved Robby's life, and for that I will forever be indebted.

When I got to the hospital he was resting comfortably. At least five hours had already passed by time I got there.

When he saw me he let his head fall back on his pillow. He squeezed his eyes shut tight to hold back the tears. I hugged him and cried and then I hugged him some more. This kid was my life. The thought that I could have lost him that day was hard to swallow. I could not bring myself to think too long and hard about that. I shut the thoughts out as soon as they entered my mind. But the reality of it was still there and it was the most frightening, sick feeling I had ever had in my life. Even as a 17 year old young man he was still my little boy.

My questions came slowly.... I did not understand any of this. Why Robby? What happened?
My feelings and lack of answers were overwhelming. I wanted to slap the shit out of him for being so stupid! I tried to keep my calm and just thank God he had not killed himself. The mixture of emotions, trying to stifle myself and remain calm for my son's sake were just about all I could do. He was remorseful, and did offer some information... the information I know now, was what he knew I needed to hear. Or maybe just what he wanted to tell me.

"I only tried it once."
"I did not know what it was"
"Do you think I would be that stupid?"
"I sniffed it up my nose"
"I'll never do it again"

All the things a parent needed to hear? Maybe not the ideal conversation with your child, but given the circumstances.... it was the only thing and the only words you could hope for.

I would keep my eye on him. In my heart I wanted to trust his words. My head was not comprehending any of this too well anyway.
"When I was a kid" we tried stuff... sure... smoking weed, taking hits of speed, the occasional Quaalude. And then there were the really crazy kids that would talk about 'shrooms' and hits of LSD which no one dare to take more than 7 times because then you were 'legally insane'

But heroin?......MY GOD!...... Why would a kid try heroin?

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